Should You Get Back With Your Ex?

by | January 28, 2018

Breaking up with your significant other is arguably one of the worst things that could happen to you, especially if you had a long and meaningful relationship. So, what happens next? Do you get back with your ex or should you move on?

Let’s examine some signs whether or not you should get back together.

1. How Much Time Has Passed?

When making a decision to get back with your ex, you need to be able to think clearly. The only way to do that is if you are not driven primarily by your emotions. If you feel lonely or needy, don’t make any rash decisions. Instead, sit tight and wait a while for your head to clear.

If a month has passed and you feel free, happy and fulfilled without your ex, that may be a pretty good sign you shouldn’t get back together. However, sometimes time and absence help couples to fall back in love. If you spend a month or two apart, you may realise all the mistakes that you’ve made in the past—and decide to give it another try.

2. Do You Really Love Your Ex?

It’s very common to think that you love someone just because being around them makes you feel good. When you really love someone, you don’t focus on him or her fulfilling your needs. You are solely responsible for your own happiness. If you appreciate them for who they truly are, accept their flaws and enjoy your time together as a couple, then you most probably really love them.

Okay, let’s say you’ve realised that you truly love them. Is that a reason to forget all the things that happened to you in the past and give it another go? No. A relationship consists of two people. Sometimes your love for them simply isn’t enough. If they don’t want to be with you anymore, that’s a clear sign that you should find somebody who actually appreciates you.

3. Why Did You Break Up?

The reason for your breakup is the greatest sign of whether or not you should rekindle your relationship. Who initiated the breakup? Was it because you got cheated on? Did you lie to them? Was it because of bad timing? Were you in a long-distance relationship and couldn’t take it anymore? Were other people involved in that decision? Were you emotionally or physically abused?

If your ex had a bad influence on you, there’s not a single good reason to get back together. Emotional and physical abuse is dangerous. If you are afraid that they may come after you, make sure to talk to a professional and get support.

However, there can be lots of reasons you should consider to give it another try. If you broke up because you were in a long-distance relationship, but otherwise had a great relationship, then it’s probably worth it to get back together.

Sometimes, great love stories take patience, time and a lot of experience, but years later flourish even more beautifully than before. Click To Tweet

4. Do You See a Pattern?

A lot of people break up because of personal patterns from the past that they are not even aware of. There may be a good chance that you have a fear of abandonment, fear of betrayal or that you are codependent. Whatever the case, how can you be sure? By digging into your past.

Has this happened before? Have you been in similar relationships before? Are you scared of being rejected? Do you feel lonely when you’re not in a couple? If your answer is “yes” to even one of these questions, then your ex is not the core problem. Getting back together with them won’t solve it either. Only you can solve your issues by learning to love and appreciate yourself without having a man or a woman around.

5. Should You Try Relationship Coaching?

If you think that your problem is somehow related to your upbringing and you have lots of issues with your parents, I recommend that you seek out the professional help of a therapist. A relationship coach focuses on your present and helps you to achieve the best future results. If you need supportand want to explore this current relationship or simply want to move onbook a free session with me and let’s see what we can do about it.

There is another option. If you two decide to get back together and work on your issues, you could try relationship coaching for couples. It’s impossible to solve your problems by ignoring them and by pretending that they never happened. But you can start to deepen your connection with your partner today.

Sending you all my love,

Automatic Thought Record


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