Your Partner Had an Affair. What Happens Now?

by | March 13, 2018

Infidelity has become a very common topic lately, especially with the rise of social media, pornography and variety of choice. But is infidelity the end of a monogamous relationship? Or is it possible to forgive your partner and move on?

If you have recently found out that your partner is having/had an affair, my first suggestion is to confront them.

1. Talk It Out

It makes a big difference whether your partner came to you and confessed, or if you found out by accident. If they were brave enough to confront you and tell you the truth, you have to appreciate their effort. No matter how hurt you feel right now, remember that your partner had the strength to come clean and apologize.

Don’t repress your feelings. Tell your partner exactly how you feel – betrayed, angry, frustrated, sad, lonely, bitter, etc. The first step to save your relationship is to be honest with each other. Make an effort to tell them everything you want them to hear, and ask all the questions that you have on your mind.

My tip is to be careful with some of the details, because you might not like all the answers. So if you’re not completely open to hearing everything about the affair (sexual positions, how many times they did it, etc.), spare yourself the pain.

2. Take Care of Yourself

After experiencing such a traumatizing event, there’s a high chance that you will feel insecure, betrayed and unlovable. It’s very important to understand that your partner’s decision to have an affair is his or her own personal choiceand not a direct result of your character or personality.

If your partner is blaming you for their own decision to cheat on you, that may be a sign of emotional manipulation. But if you put 100% of the blame on your partner for having cheated on you, you may also be neglecting your involvement in the relationship.

The best solution is to focus on yourself for a whileand learn to enjoy your own company first. This doesn’t mean leaving your spouse. It’s all about focusing on your needs.

If you don’t feel like hanging out with them as often, spend some quality time on your own – reading, watching movies, going out with friends or picking up a new hobby. It’s important to look after your health, too. Find time to relax and enjoy your own company. That’s the best way to prepare for the next step.

3. Forgive Them

After spending some time figuring things out, try opening up to your partner again. This doesn’t necessarily mean having sex right away, but try to leave the past where it belongs.

Forgiving them is not only going to strengthen your relationship, but it will also make you feel better about yourself. When you let go of grief, anger and sadness, you will slowly but surely feel more confident and learn to enjoy your marriage again.

4. Do Fun Things Together

Marriage and long-term relationships can create just as many negative feelings as they can create happiness and joy. Infidelity is a traumatic experience but a lot of couples manage to go through it. How? By focusing on each other and spending quality time together, you will feel stronger and more confident in your relationship.
When was the last time you did something new for the first time? Click To Tweet

Sign up for dance lessons, find a new project at home to work on, or take a romantic vacation together. Of course, you don’t have to go overboard, but a little step forward will make a huge difference in your relationship.

5. Don’t Push It

If you’re not ready to talk to your partner, don’t. If you can’t forgive them yet, you don’t have to. If you prefer being alone instead of spending time together, isolate yourself for a while. But, please, don’t make rash decisions like ending the relationship.

Saving your marriage/relationship after an affair is quite challenging, but if you work together, it may become a life-changing experience. If you want to learn more, book your FREE session here.

Simply yours,

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